Season 7 Episode 17

Episode 309


Sky One Transmission Date:

Sunday 25th January 2004


Directed by

Robert Gabriel


GS: Joel Brooks (Craig Charles)  Dr. Shennon (Miles Harvey)  Baby Louis (Max & Harrison Wooley)  Mario Melchiot (as himself)



Stuart’s knee is causing him agony, so much so he is unable to drive. Knowing this, Abi makes Stuart see a doctor who tells him he has an ACL tear inside his cartilage and if he doesn’t rest his knee it will end his career. Abi herself is under the strain of living with Marcel following their encounter on Christmas day. When she arrives home from the hospital with Stuart, Marcel is irritated that she is still avoiding him, causing him to blurt out that he is in love with her. Abi doesn’t reciprocate it though. With two days left of the transfer window, Marcel tells Stuart he wants to leave the club.



Nikki receives the results informing her that she has indeed failed her agent exams, and is distraught. Wanting to help her, Lee tells Joel he will sign with Player Power on the condition that he takes Nikki on as well. Joel has booked Lee to appear in a TV ad selling mobile phones. On the day of filming however, Lee struggles with the script, and Nikki realises that he cannot read. She makes a deal with him that if he helps her become a hot-shot agent, she will help him learn to read. Jeff sees that Joel is already manhandling Lee’s income, and arranges a fake boot advertising deal with Joel for 60K, telling Lee and Nikki to patiently watch and see what happens.


Pilar refuses Marcel’s request to leave, so he approaches Jeff who fixes things so Marcel goes on Sky Sports News and criticises Stuart’s managing authorities. Pilar arranges a press conference for Stuart to tell the media that Marcel will not be leaving, scuppering his plans to bring in Mario Melchiot from Chelsea and to give his knee the rest it needs. Marcel tells Pilar that the real reason she won’t let him go is because she is still in love with him, which she more or less complies. Stuart witnesses their talk through the window and concludes they are seeing each other again. He leaves before seeing Marcel push Pilar away. She again refuses to sell him, and Marcel gets into a furious scuffle with Stuart, leaving him on the dressing room floor.


Joel informs Lee of the boot “deal” and tells him he will be receiving £5,000 from it. Jeff reveals that he was behind it all, and reminds Joel that an agent is supposed to receive 10% not 100%. Lee cuts his ties with Joel, but not before swiping his wallet to make up for what he was owed for the mobile ad. When Lee tells Jeff he is still angry with him and will find an agent that doesn’t lie, Jeff points out to him that he’s already found one in Nikki. Before half time Harchester are drawing with Man City, and against Abi’s persistence Stuart prepares to put himself on. Stuart is the games’ saviour and Harchester remain 5th, only it comes at a cost for him as his knee gives in, finishing with Stuart being stretchered off the pitch.




·          The Best: Pilar, posing for a group photo (with possible sponsors) and smiling through her teeth to Stuart; “Just keep winning or we’re finished.” Lee’s reaction when kissed on the cheeks by Garcia. Jeff’s “Andrew from Slates” telephone stitch-up on Joel.


Quotes: Marcel (yelling at Stuart): “This is nothing to do with me, this is Pilar, Abi, you! Three little women!”. Jeff (upon chasing a sobbing Nikki into the female toilets): “Pilar doesn’t need many excuses to throw me out of this club. Finding me in the ladies loo’s going to be a difficult one to defend!”


·          Continuity: When Abi tells Marcel that what happened on Christmas day (305: Oh Come All Ye Faithful) was “just sex”, he replies that if she’s swayed so easily then he pities Fletch.


Additional Info: Jane Hewland later revealed that Mario Melchiot took acting classes in preparation for his appearance on DT. Viv is suspended following his headbutting of Stuart. According to Jeff, there are ten girls waiting for Lee on the street outside the house, one holding a placard with the words ‘Lee! I’m all shook up!’. Marcel lists “Bankruptcy, pay-cuts, psychopath goalkeeper” and “idiot owners” as his reasons for wanting a transfer. The mobile phone Lee is advertising is called the Talkson 8600. Kevin Keatings names Justin Lee, Ryan Lee (AKA Charlie Taylor), Dutzmore and Jon Whitmore as the stars of the Under 19’s side last season.


·          Surprise!: Jeff proposing to Nikki, so she can become Lee’s guardian and represent him as his agent straight away.


What Was The Score?: With a goal from Lee, Harchester beat Aston Villa 1–0. He also scores for Harchester’s 1–1 draw with Man City.


·          Soundtrack: Black Eyed Peas: “Anxiety”,  Burt Bacharach: “Twenty-Four Hours From Tulsa”,  DJ Tiesto & Jan Johnston: “Close To You”,  Leftfield: “Phat Planet”,  The Strokes: “What Ever Happened.”


Screencaps from Season 7’s last repeat broadcast on Sky One in autumn 2006.

Lee is there for Nikki

 Stuart has had just about

 enough of Marcel



Lee gets one over Joel




Stuart's career at an end


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