Season 7 Episode 18

Episode 310


Sky One Transmission Date:

Sunday 1st February 2004


Directed by

Joy Perino


GS: Dr. Shennon (Miles Harvey)  Burglar 1 (Ricky Nixon)  Burglar 2 (Joe Boronski)  Faith Healer (Kim Appleby)  Policeman (Ryan McCluskey) 

Registrar (Elizabeth Downes)  Rob McCaffrey (as himself)


Stuart is told the injury to his knee is irreparable, but he still refuses to believe he will never play again. He turns to faith healing for hope, blocking out attempts by Abi to get through to him. Watching the team train gets to Stuart, so much so when taunted by Marcel he loses it and punches him. Abi takes Stuart back to her house where he breaks down crying over his troubles. When she tells him he needs to admit it’s over, he informs her of Ryan being in the rehabilitation clinic because he neglected him for football and can’t just admit it’s over like it meant nothing. After Jeff lets it slip that he and Nikki are engaged, Viv announces it to the entire crowd in Studs much to everyone’s surprise.



That night Viv and Clyde are having a lock-in when two young men break in intending to steal from the safe. The next day at training, Clyde tells of how Viv bluffed the men with his five-iron golf club before they fled in fear. Lee is not impressed and winds Viv up over what he sees as doing nothing. To annoy him in return, Viv offers Jeff and Nikki the use of Studs as a venue for their wedding reception, which they find themselves unable to turn down despite neither wanting a big fuss. This mostly down to they and Lee being the only ones aware this is a marriage of convenience.


At their respective Hen Party and Stag Night’s, the men bottle out on Viv whilst the girls encourage Sandra to finally pluck up the courage to try her luck with Marcel. Having been thrown out by Abi whilst she consoles a broken Stuart, Marcel takes an eager Sandra up to his room at the Grange whilst only Nikki realises he is using her. On the morning of the wedding, Nikki arrives without a dress so the girls arrange for Chelsea to collect a dozen dresses for Nikki to try out. As the ceremony gets underway in the grounds of the club, Sandra is shocked when Marcel won’t speak to her.


When he learns that best man Lee hasn’t collected any rings, Viv ‘borrows’ Stuart’s car and takes Clyde and Lee to the back entrance of a jewellers where he whips out a semi-automatic and heads inside, to Clyde and Lee’s horror. They make it back to the club where Jeff and Nikki are married, however the police have already reached Stuart and having witnessed Viv take his car, manages to send the police away so he can deal with Viv himself. Stuart furiously forces Clyde, Lee and Viv up onto the gantry where he holds Viv over the edge and yells at the lads for abusing the talent they have whilst he himself no longer can play, finally accepting that his career is over.




·          Best Known For: Kim Appleby was once one half of late 80’s pop duo Mel and Kim, following which she had a solo career scoring a No.2 hit in November 1990 with ‘Don’t Worry.’


The Best: The official pairing up of Lee and Viv begins in this episode. Viv calling Lee “Page Boy” and then tripping him up at training. Stuart punching Marcel. Nikki seeing through Marcel’s sudden sexual interest in Sandra from the time she fell for the same with Luke (302: Achilles Heel). Viv taking his time to show off the rings he’d just stolen to Clyde and Lee, as the jewellers’ alarm sounds out in the background. Pilar looking like she would berate Nikki for using her offices as a dressing room, but then allowing her to do so much to everyone’s shock.


·          Quotes: Nikki, slightly tipsy, explaining to Lee why she has to marry Jeff in order to be his agent: “I need this to happen so I can make something of my pathetic, washed up, little pathetic life!”.  Clyde (as Viv loads the semi-automatic): “Viv man, you must earn about twenty grand a week, why don’t you just buy the rings? I’ll buy ‘em!”


Continuity: Stuart tells Abi its Pilar’s team; “She brought Bruce in over my head, (296: Chinese Takeaway) she definitely brought Davenport” (294: Long Live The King). As Viv is inside robbing the jewellers, Lee asks Clyde whether Viv has some sort of disorder to which Clyde replies “It’s Goalkeepers mate” a reference to Jamie and how he ended up by 290: End Game.


·          Additional Info: The website Stuart looks at for faith healing is called ‘Mystic Misstif.’ Nikki’s Hen Party consists of the quartet of Sandra, Grace and Chelsea. Viv’s plans for Jeff’s Stag Night are to “play drinking games until he’s wreaked then hit the town.” The jewellers Viv holds up are called Simon James and Sons Jewellers of Distinction. Jeff’s full name is Jeffery Francis Stein. Stuart’s car is a black BMW X5.


What Was The Score?: The score for the match at the end of the episode is left unknown, although Stuart mentions in the following episode that they did in fact win this game.


·          Soundtrack: Aphex Twin: “Jynweythek”,  Black Eyed Peas: “Shut Up”,  Gorillaz: “5/4 FIVE FOUR”,  Groove Armada: “Suntoucher”,  OP L B******s: “Sinulle (For You)”,  Starsailor: “Love Is Here”,  Thomas Newman: “Ghosts.”


Screencaps from Season 7’s last repeat broadcast on Sky One in autumn 2006.

(An injured) Stuart floors Marcel

 Stuart breaks down 



Sandra's dreams coming true?

 It'll never last!



Don't mess with the injured Stu!


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