Season 7 Episode 7

Episode 299


Sky One Transmission Date:

Sunday 9th November 2003


Directed by

Jim Doyle


GS: Kirsty Gallacher (as herself)  Elvis Minister (Daniel M Jackson)


Clyde uses an appearance on Kirsty Gallacher’s show “Up Close and Personal” to publicise his claim, until Stuart puts a stop to it. Instead, Stuart takes the opportunity to have them feature Ryan on the show, as he is making his first cap for England that night. Tony is furious that Donna has spent £40,000 worth of the money they took from Ryan on earrings, and after the Boyles attend a solicitors meeting without her, followed by neither Karen nor Dean sticking up for her when Tony sticks the boot in, Donna packs her things and leaves. After being refused a room at the Grange, she goes to the bar where Clyde is already sitting sulking. After Dean arrives and doesn’t take to her ultimatum of choosing between her or Tony, Donna walks over and kisses Clyde in revenge.



The two go back to Clyde’s flat, and after making a fool of himself in front of them, Dean smashes up Clyde’s new motor in the underground car park. The next morning the press are all over the story, and Clyde has to travel to training in the wreck. He subsequently gets stopped by the police and further more, arrested for hungover-drunk-driving. Because of this, and the fact that he has shown the club up in the papers, Stuart puts Clyde in the reserves for their next game later that day. After going after Dean for smashing up his motor, and getting a black-eye from Tony, Clyde takes Donna to the reserve game in London. However, her presence just adds to his recklessness, and after he is taken off they head to the bar and Clyde ends up mooning a photographer in revenge on Stuart.


The next day, Clyde arrives for training and is lynched by a furious Stuart, who orders him to sort himself out and dump Donna otherwise he will suspend him. Karen worries when Dean disappears, and Tony pays Donna a visit in the hope of her getting Dean to come home so the Boyles will still have their claim. Donna susses this and teases Tony about the one night stand they once had. After Clyde tells her of his worries of how he won’t have a strong enough claim to the club, Donna admits to him that there was a tout. And knowing that her claim would be over if she testified to this, Donna finds a way of making Clyde’s offer that he’d look after her secure.


Tony finds Dean at the canal, and after mentioning that he thinks Donna only wants Dean’s claim, Dean realises it is infact Tony that is after his claim. He stands up to his father and vows to get Donna back. He goes to the flat but gets no answer, thinking Donna is inside ignoring him. He pours his heart out to her, unaware that she and Clyde have already left for Las Vegas, where they are doing a Sean and Mica in an Elvis chapel. At the same time in Harchester, Stuart announces to the press that Clyde is suspended from the club with immediate effect.




·          The Best: Kirsty Gallacher’s appearance and fictional program “Up Close and Personal”. Donna spending £40,000 on earrings(!). Clyde naming his motor “Berlin Etta” and having number plates reading “8O5S”. Dean smashing Clyde’s motor, and scratching ‘Donna’ into the side of the bonnet. The taxi-driver running with Clyde onto the training ground, and Clyde vomiting over Andy Ansah’s shoes. Tony breaking Clyde’s remaining “8O5S” number plate and the look on Clyde’s face straight after. Marcel giving Danny Sullivan a pronunciation lesson in French food. The ‘Don’t wait up!’ note (obviously left for Ryan’s benefit). Clyde and Donna’s wedding with the singing Elvis impersonator Minister.


Logic: Whilst opening her show, Kirsty mentions that Clyde is eighteen years old, as he is supposed to be at this time in the series. This all changes however in 333: Coupe De Foudre.


·          Quotes: Journalist (to Clyde): “Shacking up with your arch-enemy Clyde? This a new tactic?”.  Karen (to Donna): “Oh cut the crap Donna [on the earrings] and take them back!”.  Curtis (to Clyde): “Your mom, is she still sowing your name into your shorts Clyde?!”, and “You better have a damn good excuse.”  Clyde: “What for, the black eye?”  Marcel: “I think it’s another part of your anatomy he’s concerned about.”   Clyde (to Donna): “Ryan Naysmith’s dad Stuart can kiss my arse, right before I fire him!”.


Continuity: Curtis reminiscing about Fletch with the reserve team boys.


·          Additional Info: Six weeks have passed since the events of 298: The Usual Suspects. Clyde explaining to Stuart about Sky One filming the documentary about him, and Stuart’s response of “Not without my permission they’re not!” before blocking the camera, is a shout out to Sky One with this being written as the 300th episode of Dream Team. Clyde was signed by Harchester Youth Academy when he was eleven years old. Clyde’s motor is the first car ever to be made entirely out of aluminium (apparently). Carlo Chino and O.B (Alex O’Brien) are upping their game in the reserves with Curtis. Check out how many times Donna uses the word “bully” in this episode.


Surprise!: The revelation that Tony and Donna once had a one night stand.


·          What Was The Score?: The only match we see is the reserve team game, and the final score is unknown, although Clyde scored.


Soundtrack: A brilliant mix for this celebratory episode; Deepest Blue: “Deepest Blue”, Doves: “The Man Who Told Everything”, Electric Six: “Naked Pictures”, Elvis & JXL: “A Little Less Conversation”, Feeder: “Just the way I’m Feeling”, Girls Aloud: “No Good Advice”, Goldfrapp: “Slippage”, Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci: “Waking for winter”, Rob Dougan: “Clubbed to Death”, Robbie Williams: “Come Undone”, Stone Sour: “Orchids”, The Darkness: “Growing On Me”, Unknown: “Getting The Gold” and “Have a Nice Day.”


·          Behind The Scenes: The “300th” episode came a show early due to a miscount of Season 3’s episode total (62: #166 was a one-hour Christmas/Millennium special but miscalculated as two separate half hour shows as it was mid-season). Like 401: A Night To Remember, this episode was written as the celebratory-centenary episode and was well publicised on Sky One with an advert showing several key moments from the series’ last 100 episodes. To the tune of Good Charlotte’s “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”, these included: the beginning of Tash and Robbie’s affair in 261: It Could Be You; Prash taunting Lynda, and Ray threatening him leading up to Prash’s death (#227/#228); Sky Sports’ Dave Jones reporting from the coach crash (260: Forsaking All Others); the shot of Jamie as shown at his funeral (292: Just The Ticket); and featured scenes from 296: Chinese Takeaway before leading up to the upcoming kiss between Clyde and Donna in this episode.


Screencaps from Season 7’s last repeat broadcast on Sky One in autumn 2006.

Here's Kirsty!

 And here's Berlin Etta!



I've always fancied you!

 A scorned Deano



Stuart gives Clyde his last warning

 Dean wises up to Tony




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