It's been a highly colorful and hugely eventful 2 years for Alison King. She's been blackmailed, held to ransom, implicated in a bloodthirsty murder, had rampant sex with Footballers, lost a baby and been the target of an FA Cup Final assassination. Enough drama to cause heartburn in a dogs arse. Even though all the above events have happened to her fictional alter-ego, leggy Lynda Block. She being the raunchy chief executive at Harchester United, of Sky Soap 'Dream Team.
"My life has been a bit of a squiggly line," says the enigmatic former dental nurse and model, who landed the part of Lynda Block in 1998 at the start of Dream Team's second series. Along with the line, she's found time to develop a morbid fear of pylons and freak waves, get romantically involved with two of Coronation Streets actors (Simon 'Steve McDonald' Gregson and Phil 'Des Barnes' Middlemiss) and generally live life with the energy of 'an excited baby'. Astonishingly, Alison claims to look like a monkey. Frankly we beg to differ. What's more, we're more than happy to take a few hours out of our hectic schedules to argue the toss on that subject, and assorted others, with the football-type woman who is second to none when it comes to dealing with low, hard shots from the edge of the box.
Lynda Block, your character is routinely described as a randy bed-hopper. Fair comment? I know she has a reputation, but I think it's unjust. She's only had three lovers in the programme and only one of those was a footballer. I'd love it if she was a randy bed-hopper, that would be great, but the show is on at 8pm so we can't get too close to the bone. A typical Dream Team sex scene usually involves me sitting in bed wearing a strapless bra, rolling around under the covers. But I'm usually wearing jeans under the duvet.
Lynda's led a fairly dramatic life. How does your own compare? Mine is tame in comparison. Lynda's been through every emotion possible. She's done just about everything, including getting shot on an FA Cup Final day. The bullet was not meant for me, it was meant for my lover at the time- my husband had hired a hitman. But the bullet skimmed my head, missed my lover and hit someone who happened to be standing behind us at the time. I had concussion for a while and in fact lost my memory for the whole of the next series.
Which zoo animal do you closely resemble? I was a very ugly child, I looked like a monkey. I was riding my sister's bicycle one day and this boy shouted out "look, there's a monkey on a bike!" -and it stuck with me for two years. Every time I came past, they'd shout, "hey, its the monkey on a bike!" The boy who coined the nickname asked me out four years later. So I told him to get on his bike. I suppose there's worse things than monkeys to be compared to. At least monkeys are funny. If ever I had a baby, it would look just like a monkey. It would be a chimp 'cos I look like a grown-up chimp. Sometimes I do look in the mirror and see a chimpanzee looking back.
You once worked as a dental nurse. Do you have any strong views on the subject of teeth? Only false teeth. I can't bear the thought of kissing someone with false teeth. Of course, there is always the fear, when your kissing someone that they might not be real- that they might just take them out and stick them in a jar when they're finished. I've got to be honest about this. If a man told me on a first date that he had false teeth, it would defiantly put me off.
What else would put you off? Men who wear their trousers to high with their socks pointing out. That's a big turn off for me, also are patent leather jackets along with patterned jeans and silky shirts. Also men who wear G-strings. I don't even mind Y-fronts but I have to draw the line at G-strings.
Where do you stand on dressing up for the bedroom? Would you confider wearing a policeman's uniform? Mmm. Not too sure about that. Generally speaking, I think dressing up is fine as long as the man takes part as well. It depends who you are with. There's men you wouldn't want to go there with; and there's others you would. It depends on how comfortable with someone you feel, I guess, and at what stage you're at with someone. You might want to save that for last.
Personality-wise, are you a fish person or a cow person? My sun's in Cancer, my moon's in Aquarius and my star is Pisces, so you might say I'm a very fishy person. I'm the fishiest sort of fish you can imagine. I've got kipper lips, and I do love eating fish. You can't beat a kipper with a knob of butter for breakfast. I caught a swordfish once, but you have to be careful with those swordfish 'cos they jump up and cut your throat if you are not careful.
Are there any circumstances in which you would consider cannibalism? I can't say no to that. I wouldn't know unless I was put in that situation. I suppose I wouldn't mind eating a bit of rump if I had to. I've eaten pork suckling, and human flesh can't be much worse than that. Apart from rats, I'd eat almost anything.
Why are woman so strange? Men and women are different, aren't they? Maybe we seem strange to each other. It's to do with hormones, I think. I don't think of men as strange- they're just.... different. I've met all kinds of men and I've worked out the difference between those I wouldn't touch with a bargepole and those I would.
Why do women have shit record collections? Actually, that's not true. I have a fabulous record collection. I'm into everything. Musical taste is really important in a partner. If I was looking through a man's collection and I saw he had a few A-ha records, I'd be straight out of the door. Same goes for Limp Bizkit and Sophie Ellis-Bextor, who I find annoying!
Why are women so crap at football? It's like a man trying to breast feed a baby- it's just not meant to be, and I kind of like it that way. Equality should only go so far. I don't want to see a time when men are able to breast-feed. Men's nipples aren't designed for that purpose. They're designed to be flat and hairy, and that's that. Men's nipples exist just so that men can sleep on them and women can cuddle up next to them. I'd hate if men suddenly started shooting milk out of their nipples.
Can you foresee a time when beautiful people go out of fashion and paper-bag cases get paid loads of dosh to prance up and down the catwalks? Nah, I can't see that happening, though it would be excellent if it did. But I can't see untoned bodies coming into fashion. Not that you have to be beautifully toned to be attractive- like it's possible for a man with a fat behind to be attractive. But not if he had a face like a gas leak and a personality like a spark plug. Quite often, less attractive people are more interesting. A lot of beautiful people end up crawling up their own arses.
Finally. if the acting career didn't work out, would you consider bottling your own piss and selling it in Sainsbury's for a fiver a go? Funnily enough, I've never seriously considered that, though I have heard it's very good for you, drinking your own urine. Eddie Vedder does it apparently. I'm not sure if Lynda Block's own-brand wee would sell too well. To be honest, I'd sooner have my face on a perfume bottle than a bottle of wee.
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